There comes a time in everyones life that we have to take a look at what’s going on in your world at any given time. For me, one of these times is now. In recent days, we have learned that my wife is carrying our third child. I know that I hadn’t planned on expanding our family any further. I know that I am not exactly thrilled about the news because of that fact, but it is a punch that fate has thrown and a punch that I have to roll with it. At this point there is nothing I can do to change the situation.
There are things that I have experienced on my life that have shaped the way I view my world. I have had many experiences that would be characterized by some as bad or unfavorable. I don’t necessarily view them all as bad. I have found myself travelling a path that most would not find advantageous but to me were the most beneficial in my life. I have lived and learned. I have persevered.
Now, I find myself in a situation that is both unexpected and not exactly welcome. I know that I will love my child like nothing else in this world save my other two children. I know that somehow we will make this work out. I know that my wife and I are able to continue to persevere.
My feelings about the new baby are having an effect on me like I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel uncertain and, in some ways, lost. There are very few times in my adult life that I have felt this way. I try to project the sense of confidence and resolve and I fear that my uncertainty and doubt is showing through to the people around me. In some ways, I feel the same as I did when we found out Ben was on the way. I was young and had a pretty bad job and hadn’t learned the things that I needed to know about being a parent. I have learned a lot about being a parent and I know that I can raise the child, it’s more about the uncertainty about being able to provide for a third child. Our resources are pretty stretched right now, and I don’t really know what the new baby will do to the dynamic of the household.
The other unknown right now, at least to me, is how my wife feels about all of this. She has not talked to me about her feelings over this situation. She isn’t crying, so I guess that is a good thing. I need to have that discussion with her. I think it is important.
I should retire for the evening to be ready for tomorrow. Some day, I may find something more interesting to write about on the internet. When I do, I’ll let you know.
Later,
Chuck
Posted by benandwyattsdad 
